Dating: A guide for the shy – News

“I realized I was shy in high school, when I started to get attracted to boys. I can’t even see what I like,” said Michaela, 29.

“To this day, I have a strong tendency to look away or roll my eyes when someone is talking to me. I spend a lot of energy communicating with people I don’t know or people I barely know,” she added, adding that once she got to know them a little, her nervousness and embarrassment would quickly disappear.

“Update: shy people socialize just like everyone else. They just communicate differently. Being shy doesn’t mean someone is an introvert. “Many quiet people are actively online or engaging in in-person conversations with people they feel emotionally close to,” says author Wendy L. Patrick.

Hidden treasure

Just because someone doesn’t shine at a party full of strangers doesn’t mean they’re boring friends. “I find shy people sometimes the most interesting and dynamic people,” adds clinical psychologist Seth Meyers. This is partly because they tend to have a more introspective personality – they are able to look deeper into their inner world.

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“However, when it comes to dating, being shy means that you feel very uncomfortable with new people out on dates. Your shyness causes you to keep most of your personality inside. And when you have to open up to someone you don’t know very well, you feel insecure.” In social situations, shy people usually feel shy and want to hide. However, it is a workable feature according to the experts.

Caution is an advantage

Most of the characters have their own strengths and weaknesses, which sometimes work to our detriment and sometimes to our detriment. Shy people should write the following lines in their ear and remind themselves of them whenever a bout of insecurity grips them.

The first question is why we are actually shy. For example a study by Esther Herrmann published in 2011 compared the behavior of children and baby monkeys. It turns out that children are more shy than little monkeys. And this is a plus for them, because they are less likely to approach the unknown. Therefore, in general, the shyness tendency may represent the advantage that one can obtain more information before entering into an unknown and potentially risky situation.

And this also applies to dating. “This trait is positive in many ways because you are careful when dating,” says Meyers. You can see the people with whom you will communicate better in advance.

Pleasant charm

In addition, the presence of shy people is pleasing to others for several reasons. “You have a calming effect especially on the more nervous types of people,” author of The Anxiety Workbook, blogger Arlin Cuncic shows the faint-hearted how their apparent handicap can suddenly turn into an asset. Moreover, it doesn’t matter at all whether the shy person himself experiences inner anxiety during the meeting. “Your outward expression is probably calm and serene.” And a person who can remain calm often infects others with his calm.

“You also seem more trustworthy,” says Cuncicová. In society, you don’t usually talk about yourself and how great you are, so no one sees you as a bad boy or a bad boy who can’t be trusted.

Shy people can also appear friendlier and therefore more approachable. “Shyness and modesty and unobtrusiveness rarely create a threatening impression. That allows others to feel comfortable around you. In other words, there’s no fog of superiority over you that would make communicating with you complicated.”

And finally, one big advantage of embarrassment – most of such people can tune in. This quality is not only genuinely agreeable to others, but also allows shy individuals to respond more favorably to what their friends say. By listening carefully, a better understanding will usually emerge. Paradoxically, such a shy person can actually charm the other person when the other person finds out that he or she is somehow “magically” connected to him…

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Practice in front of a mirror

Shy people are much more attractive than they think. But how to handle the situation when someone is attracted to him? “When dating, the most important thing for shy guys and girls is to get out of their own head as much as possible and into the present moment,” advises clinical psychologist Seth Meyers.

“If you are a shy person, you probably know very well that you tend to think all the time. And every time you are exposed to a new social situation.” So you don’t even beep and feel like putting your feet up to your shoulders.

It’s often better to start with small steps, and according to Iveta Gajdušeková of dating agency Date2K, this holds true for solitude as well: “Sometimes all it takes is a glance and a smile to show interest in the person in question. And you don’t have to be a talker for that.” . But I understand that even this can be a challenge for some people, so it’s a good idea to practice anywhere with just you and a mirror.”

Time control will help

First dates tend to be awkward, even when two uninhibited individuals get together. No one even knew in advance whether he would feel good. If you’re feeling shy, do your best to be yourself and feel comfortable during the date. Even when choosing clothes at home, forget the rules of sexy fashion and choose clothes that you feel comfortable in. The same goes for women and makeup. Don’t you usually wear a lot of makeup? Don’t start before the meeting and stick to your nature.

“Most people also tend to talk a lot. This is usually due to nerves, so it’s better to time it on the first date.” In terms of sympathy, the two can then look forward to the next meeting, where they will talk more. So, either way you go out for coffee, take a walk in the park , to a gallery, or to a museum, it’s a good idea to plan roughly how much time you’ll spend there.Two hours is more than enough, and generally it’s better if the first date is short.

Plus, you’ll avoid potential panic attacks in situations where you no longer know what to do. This is often solved by a short-circuited shy person. Often they even run away in fright for some irrational reason, if their embarrassment exceeds what they can bear. With pre-agreed deadlines and expiration dates, crises like these can be better managed. And last but not least, you will also be spared the suffering that timid people often suffer because of their ability to listen – if they meet a talkative and self-centered person, he can also put them to death.

Do not panic…

The “other” who doesn’t suffer from shame should also take a special approach. Shy people have their charms, but they are also easily scared and withdrawn. So what to do if you see such a person? “If your partner seems shy on a date, don’t embarrass him even more, but try to calm him down, create a relaxed and fun atmosphere,” advises relationship coach Iveta Gajdušeková.

If you know ahead of time that you will meet a shy person, it’s a good idea to consider whether you can communicate with that personality type. Especially if you are an extrovert. If you said yes, then you know what you’re getting into. It is best to prepare well.

“Don’t hesitate to take the initiative to make things easy for the person. It’s all about your arrangement and communication.”

As a significant favor to you, experts also recommend giving your shy companion more time to warm up. For example, an initial thirty-minute conversation can reduce anxiety.

“If you want to build a relationship with someone who is socially shy, your goal is to make them feel comfortable even if they feel insecure,” concludes author Wendy L. Patrick, saying that it’s important to prepare for the long, slow, long term. and a stepwise approach.

Genetics can also be a cause of shyness

According to University of Virginia psychologist Jonathan Cheek, people can become shy for a number of reasons:

  • Genetics. Some individuals are born with a greater tendency toward shyness. This helps them avoid danger and is therefore a useful style of behavior.
  • Environment. Our behavior and personality can also be influenced by the environment in which we are raised. For example, extroverted children of introverted parents will become more shy because they cannot learn the appropriate means of communication.
  • Experience. Even negative past experiences can cause shame. Not all of us are lucky enough to have enough good people in our life.
  • Lack of confidence. If we feel insecure about ourselves, shame is one way we try to overcome it.

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Camilla Salazar

"Unapologetic social media guru. General reader. Incurable pop culture specialist."

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